Depressed and wasted

First off, wasted here means that I feel like I'm wasting my time.

So, I'm back from a 4-5 months hiatus. As usual, because I forgot that I have a blog. Anyways, let me start.

A Needed Update

A Needed Update

Hey Guys, Assalamualaikum.

First off, yes, I'm still alive ,Alhamdulillah. 

Sorry I haven't been updating my blog. Sibuk dengan life generally. Doing assignments, clinical practicum, writing reports, living my life, making and keeping friends.

It's been 2 years since I last updated this blog. And the last entry was to rant about stress and discipline.

Man, did I really wrote that???

Anyways, the reason I'm here is because I've suddenly remembered that I have a blog.

I also remembered all the things in life that I hate and regret.

I've remembered the reason I had a blog in the first place.

I also remembered that most of the people in my life does not know the existence of this blog. Which give me free reign of how I want to use it.

Which brings me to another point that I would like to inform and all my followers and the kind souls visiting my blog. 

I have been diagnosed with major depressive disorder (MDD)

Image 1: Basically what's in my head. A storm.

Image 2: Sums up how I feel. It's more complicated of course. I just feel like taking it easy today. No need to be politically correct.

The images below are the regret and despair I feel. Getting flashbacks, regretting previous actions. Wanting to tell my parents, deciding not too. Caring too much about others health and feelings as well as their opinions on me. This all leads to my depression.

Le gasp. Yup, it's true diagnosed with MDD on my final year of study. Now, the reason I'm telling you is because there are students who have depression and have not been diagnosed. Maybe they feel it's what everyone feels. Or maybe they're afraid of the stigma. Whatever the reason is they need professional help.

Now, why am I writing in Italics?

- I just feel like it.

Being serious again, guys and girls who have been feeling down and in the dumps whose family, friends or a prominent figure has said something that struck you and you've been thinking about it a lot. You need help, at least someone, preferably a professional, to hear you out. Don't go to a psychiatrist if you don't want to. Meet a therapist, or in Malaysia call the Befrienders. 

You can contact them at 03-79568144 or 03-79568145 daily. They are there for you 24/7.

However, if you or a friend has suicidal thoughts or intention, bring them immediatelyy to the psychiatrist for help.

Now, the point here is to bring awareness to everyone, anyone at any age can have depression. What is important is to get the help you need and resolve your issues. Do what you feel is right for you. Ignore everything else that you don't want to do.

Most of all, good luck on your pursuit of happiness and peace.

Author's note:

-Google depression and it's symptoms.

-I should go on a vacation.

-I will update the blog with my journey to happiness and salvation (wait, who am I saving?)

-If you feel that what I wrote is offensive, or incorrect, leave a comment.

Thanks. Have a pleasant day.

Addicted

Assalamualaikum....

Well, during my time of absence for the last 3 months, I've been busy learning and wasting my time *doing useless activity* which I just recently realised. KD, this is very BAD!!! Now, I have my upcoming finals in 2 weeks starting on the 4th of January and my feelings  =  P.A.N.I.C.

Lesson learnt= don't leave everything*almost* to the last minute. It's a struggle to be climbing to the T.O.P.

So, back to the title, addicted.

Yes, I confess, I'm addicted to the Internet, Yahoo!, Twitter, Facebook and everything else, Tumbler. Being addicted is good if it's for the better. But for a lady called KD, it's T.R.O.U.B.L.E. I lose up to two hours on the Net. Not to mention, I was almost late to 2 different appointment because of Facebook.

So, this means I've got to be more restricted. 

*Where did all those years of DISCIPLINE go to? Did they run off to a vacation during this critical period of time???* Ahem, back to my MAIN POINT:

1. PLEASE, pretty please, be more disciplined.

•  Please make sure you restrict your time on the Net, I remember when I was a kid, Mom would give us 30 minutes each to spend on the computer. And only once a week. Nowadays, I spend most of my time on the computer and the Net. So, I'm more likely to waste my time on it.

2. Fight addiction!!!

• You can do it!!! we've lived without the Net before, we can certainly fight off the addiction now..

Okay, I'm done rambling, Thanks for reading this..

Back to my study- got a quiz tomorrow morning.... turning off the computer- hopefully.

Gambateh!!!

A New sem, New hopes, New challenges

Assalamualaikum, 
It's been long since I last updated my blog...
so, today I'm typing about basically my feelings

The Very Best

One way or another we're faced with a dillema..
Whether it's right or wrong,
good or bad,
Night or day,

There's always a choice.. so, How do YOU know you've made the RIGHT choice???
TRUTH IS, you DON'T...


But we always strive for the best...
Yang terbaik..
Even if perfection is impossible...
Why??? 
Human Nature.. fitrah..
Our natural tendency to compete and be the best.
Kita memang akan cuba jadi yang terbaik, or near to it..
Self-satisfaction ... the only thing that motivates us when we're down..
Self-satisfaction, the key to our feelings..
And yet, banyak perkara yang kita tak faham tentang diri sendiri.
Banyak yang kita nak tahu...
Banyak yang kita tak tahu..
The World is a big wide place with endless possibilities, solutions and confusion..
We  just need to navigate our way through it..
"Piece of cake right???" Tell me that when you achieve everything.
GOOD LUCK!!!

Life is COLOURFUL

Life is COLOURFUL
when we chose it to be...

THE VERY BEST..

What does it mean?? What is the VERY BEST??
Definition??
meaning= yang terbaik..
tapi, yang terbaik untuk apa???

Adab-adab menziarahi orang sakit

Assalamualaikum w.b.t,
Khadijah here, I'm writing about these adab2, cause of recent events..
This is my way of menegur orang..

What you give you get back~~

This is etiqutte and manners lesson no 2...

Etiquettes ( smiling)

Yes I'm writing about etiquette, the most boring, overlooked and taken for granted aspect of life...
Ettiqutte= manners= budi bahasa= sepatutnya dan idealistiknya budaya kita...

In every religion, it tell you the basic guideline of etiquette, in our cultures too there are some social taboos and do's...
Eg: respect your elders, love your brother,respect others and smile..

Basically, I believe everyone at least grew up with manners, but somewhere between adolescent and teen we lost some parts of it if not all... I actually believe that manners are embedded in a person just waiting to be used...

So, why the HELL am I talking about this subject????
Let's face it, people nowadays use etiquettes only in functions, meetings, and socializing at parties (the high profile type)...
I don't deny that there are people who are extremely polite and respectful, but most of the time the people I see are either rude or can't smile(sarcasm intended).

ANIMATION!!!

So, hari tu, I went out for a walk with my 2 friends, Nas & Syaimaa', to Tasik Titiwangsa...
While walking we were talking and chatting and laughing & someone was acting a bit too hyperactive...
LOL..
Suddenly, we talked about Fiesta Technopeneur KTSN...
About the bengkel (ada 3 bengkel weekend tu, semua serentak)...
Hurm, I'm attending Bengkel Inovasi..
My frenz have opted instead for bengkel fotografi and grafik...
Anyways, time tengah berborak tu, tetiba masuk bab pertandingan video..
Then, entah mcm ne, me n my friend(roommate) nak masuk that pertandingan..
So, dengan penuh semangat, we (me) called the aka in-charge la..
Then, we found out, we have to make everything from scratch...
It was like someone burst my bubble...
tema: magical work of ICT
So, we used the whole nigth to find softwares that would help us...
In the end, she used paint(microsoft) and I used stykz (making sticks)..
haha, so, when everyone tengah celebrate new years, we tgh buat animation video...

Friends

This is my own sketch of rambling...
Bear with me..
What are friends??
Someone you hang out with?
someone to talk with
or to share happiness with??
Laughing, playing, chatting together..

NEW SEM, NEW RESOLUTION, NEW SPIRIT..

So, I've entered sem 2 for my first year...

CONGRATULATIONS....
What's not so great was my result..
I feel like crying a lake of tears right now....
But I've already cried before, so, I guess that'll do...
Haha... cheer up again....

Life will get better again, Now all I need is the strenght and spirit to do it all
Thinking back, I've got loads of responsibility...just hope i can DO IT ALL without losing my sanity in the progress...

One thing about me that I'll like to change is my sarcasm overload....
i mean I come up with sarcastic remarks in a wink, but when it comes to downright straight forward answer I need to think...
Haishhh.............

Stress

Fave topic of our life, stress!!!


So, the weeks at kampung is stressing for me...
To tell @ NOT to tell~~ that's the question..
Having found out a secret, Let's just say I'm between the lines...playing,toying, and deciding..
Knowing this, I felt like shouting at that person, telling them off, giving a lecture 101..
But, then reality stepped in, I can't do that, they won't listen to me..
They think I can be bullied, and think I'm feelingless..
I have FEELINGS, I just don't show it, That's what makes me different from YOU..
Don't you get how I feel, year after year covering up what you all did,
Just because I don't tell you off, doesn't mean that I'm okay with it...

MY LIFE NOT YOURS!!!

So, basically my life just went ting-tong in less than 24 hours...
That was a week ago...
Now, my life is back to normal(?)

All I have to do is say the magic words and burst it out loud....
If I do that, it'll have 2 consequences...
1) they will respect my decision and we will still be friends...(yay!!!)
2) they would argue and boycott me..(no!!)
but in the END, it's MY LIFE NOT YOURS!!!
so, I can do whatever I deem right..

If you want fight, bring it on...It's your call..

PRINTER!! and being thankful...

Today, my uncle brought me a printer.....

YAY!!! Alhamdulillah.... now, I can easily print my assignment, lecture note and tutorials...

Kalau nak ikutkan, I'm very HAPPY and THANKFUL right now...

Thanks Pak Leh, coz bawak printer n terangkan cara nak guna...

Plus, thanks to mom n dad coz sponsor untuk beli...

Thanks jugak kat mom n dad for sending me to UKM, supporting my decisions, helping me through life, making sure I survived, teaching me, giving me the opportunity to have an education, and for million and billions of thing in life!!!!

I can never ask for more...

Thanks to Mak Long, because you bagi saya semangat untuk berjuang, semangat untuk belajar dalam bidang ni, and u taught me to be thankful with what I have...

Thanks to Kak Hasra, sebab bgtau pasal bidang ni...

to my friend in KMK, thank for all your help, support n love....

Let's do our best n make the world a better place~~~

UKM KL

Tanggal 4/7/10, bermulalah hidupku sbgai mahasiswi di ukm....
huhu, baru perasan kata i dah semakin dewasa~~~tapi perangai kebudak-budakan still ada...

time ktorg daftar kat UKM BANGI, akak-akak and abang-abang PC banyak membantu...(^_^)
they help us time pendaftaran, time angkut beg (betul ke sentence ni??), time sakit n bagi tips kat kami...
Our kolej, KOLEJ TUN SYED NASIR(KTSN) is the best!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHY???
because our seniors are VERY KIND and UNDERSTANDING...
walaupun kadang2 rasa macam ditreat sebagai kanak2, but you don't hear me complaining.....

haha..truth is I've lived my life rapidly, jumping from one thing to the next, taking on reponsibilities i'm not sure I can carry out but I do it still... Probably, it's because of my family's influence, or it could be because of my peer whom I think look down on me because i haven't "grown up" yet...or it could be because of the environment and the media....
and now I'm regarded as the matured one in the family, the place everyone goes to when they have problems....I'm not writing (typing) this to garner sympathy, but to show why kids want to grow up so badly... I don't blame anyone, but I must say, I grew up quickly because I wanted to be "in" and not "out"...

DURING MY HOLS!!!!!

CUTI-CUTI MALAYSIA

Favourite quote nowadays, taken off the campaign…

You might be wondering 'why is she talking about a campaign?'

Relax, I just wanted to talk about my vacation….

Nothing like a good holiday to relieve you of stress….{well, sort of}

My holiday this time around is spent with family and my dad's friends…

This time, instead of the usual 'balik kampung' we added in a stretch, spending a whole week and 2 extra days at 3 different states… Perak, Kelantan, and Terengganu…

PERAK DARUL RIDZUAN!!

It's my parents' home state [does this term even exist???]

We spend 2 days at my Mak Su's house in Ipoh…

1 day spent preparing  for my cousins' wedding..

And another day for my her wedding reception~~~the colour theme is purple and pink~~

*sorry, my camera died on me* T_T *have to fix it*

So, no photo's of her wedding dress and the couple…[don't kill me~~~]

The next day was spent at my mom' side at Kg. Changkat Chermin…

 [loosely translated as village of high ground of mirrors]

Don't ask.. I didn't name the village…

But still, it's a very unique name isn't it??

Back to the story, we are at Kg. Changkat Chermin because of a family reunion~~~

A bonus to this would be seeing my cousins, the negative side, there are some of my relatives I didn't want to see…TT_TT

So, urmm… lucky me…

The reunion with my cousins was a short one, but it was sweet…

I found out a couple of interesting thing and family gossips~~~ but no need to delve about that here..

We stayed for 3 days at kg. from Sunday too Wednesday, sorry, 4 days…. I'm not that good at calculating days spent..TT_TT

And then, we're off to….

KELANTAN!!!

It took us a whole day to reach Kelantan…

Partly because of the fact that we took the scenic route [i.e. driving] to Kelantan… the other method by flight[money..]

So, the trip took us through the Titiwangsa mountain range… a very long and windy dizzying road, not to be taken by people have a queasy stomachs and no snacks like me...

TT_TT [I get carsick too often]

We arrived in Kota Bharu 8 hour later…BTW, we stayed at a homestay… It was decent and had 3 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms, a kitchen and a living room. It costs RM180 per night…

Two bedroom was fully air-conditioned…the other had a fan..

the best thing about KELANTAN is the PEOPLE...
they're all VERY FRIENDLY and HELPFUL.... and best of all, THEY'RE DOWN TO EARTH...

hehe... after spending 2 days roaming the city, eating and buying stuff...
We're off to


TERENGGANU!!!!


It took us 2-3 hours to reach Pak Cik Hamzah's (dad's friend) place....
He was very friendly, helpful and let us stay at his homestay for free...
Terengganu~~~ there's the food, place and things to see n buy....
Batik and songket~~~


basically, at the end of the day(week)...
I've found out that kat Malaysia ni banyak tempat yg menarik and that we shouldn't let other people's experience cloud our judgement (beats me how I ever got this in the first place)
hehe... till next time..




p/s: I'll be posting about UKM KL next time...

HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
h- how are you doing???
e- everything ok???
l- like to see you..
l- love to be with you
o- obviously, i miss you...


To everyone,
Yes- i miss you

Tic Toc

Tic Toc,
time moves on and on,
yet, why do I feel stuck...
a wanderer repeating the same routine...
going over the same thing again&again,
hoping and wishing for it to end...
but at the same time afraid of the end that's drawing near....
how could I be so afraid of something unknown...
how did I become afraid of the future...


Tic Toc,
the clock moves on...
everything that passed seems like a blur now...
holding on to those memories seems virtually impossible,
to remember every single second spent with those I love,
to be able to cherish it and hope time stops or pauses...


Tic Toc,
time waits for no one,
and i have to keep going,
pushing on and holding on,
making my way through life...
hoping and praying for it to be ok each day...


Tic Toc,
time will soon make me more mature,
more understanding, and yet it comes with a price...
experience and all comes with a price and the price is AGE..
as I age older, I become more confident..


Tic Toc,
If aging shapes us into who we are,
Then why do we detest it???
Why do we hate wrinkles and spend so much to look younger..
Shouldn't we embrace it and say
"This is how I look like, seasoned with experienced and battered by the wind,
like a soldier standing at the end of a battle" triumph and proud...


Tic Toc,
we might all be afraid of the future and what it holds in store for us...
but let's not forget to be enthusiastic too,
for the future holds so many probabilities that might make us smile..

Tic 
           Toc
                        Tic 
                                   Toc
                                                 Tic
                                                            Toc
                                                                          Tic
                                                                                     Toc
                                                                                                     .
                                                                                                             .
                                                                                                                      .